Hope Fades to Darkness

Sometimes life gets overwhelming and I falter. My steps grow heavy, my eyes weary, hope fades to darkness and I am left in despair. Like waves endlessly pounding the shores, life overwhelms me and I begin to sink.

I say tomorrow, tomorrow – but tomorrow only brings more sorrow, more pain.

I say love, love, but alas it is love that causes the most pain.

In the past, I have written of loss at Easter – and again this Easter I’m overwhelmed with loss. But this Easter it’s different, more overwhelming, for this Easter I come to you, I write to you, about my loss… my loss of hope.

Someone by a frozen lake as day fades to darkness

Some days I dwell there, overwhelmed, drowning and I want to just let go. I see myself floating facedown in the water, so peaceful, just floating – no more pain, no more hurt and I long for that. I long for what I told God so many years ago I wanted – to no longer feel – to no longer hurt.

There was a time in my life when I thought my faith would mean everything around me would turn out for good, where love would prevail and right would reign supreme. I was wrong.

Wars rage, inside and out. Child abuse, sex trafficking, murder, drugs, violence, children watching their parents OD… cancer, heart attacks, disease, accidents. Watching loved ones struggle, hurt, suffer – sometimes it feels as if I’m losing myself… Sometimes I feel so alone…

But… I know I am not alone

Revive us and we will call upon Thy name, O Lord God of hosts, restore us; Cause Thy face to shine upon us, and we will be saved. Psalm 81:18b-19

I think about the disciples

They followed Jesus, watched Him perform miracle after miracle, listened to Him teach, but then he was gone – crucified, dead, buried. They watched their hope die on a cross.

When He had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, He bowed His head and gave up his spirit. John 19:30

But… On the third day

Why do you seek the living one among the dead? He is not here, but He has risen. Remember how He spoke to you while He was still in Galilee, saying that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified and the third day rise again.” And they remembered His words. Luke 24:5b-8

And they remembered His words

Remembering His words and His works, remembering to dwell in His Presence, knowing that He called me by name and that I am His, knowing that the faith I have is a gift from God – not something I created, knowing that I have been adopted by the Creator of Heaven and Earth and He is my Father, knowing that He has promised to work all for good to those who love Him and are called by His name – As Maria advised… When I remember, when I simply remember my favorite things, then I don’t feel so bad.

Yes, there is reason to hope!

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11

Every Line by NewSpring

  • Where would I be without You?
  • How could I could stand this storm alone?
  • Where would I be without You,
  • out here on my own?
  • Who would I have to hold me?
  • Who else can make these mountains move?
  • Where would I be, where would I be without You?
  • I close my eyes, ’cause faith is seeing for me.
  • I’m out of breath, but You are breathing for me.
  • I lift my hands, to Jesus be the glory.
  • To Jesus be the glory.
  • Where would I be without You,
  • facing this fight I’d never choose?
  • Where would I be without You,
  • with nothing left to lose?
  • Who would I have to hold me?
  • Who else can make these mountains move?
  • Where would I be, where would I be without You?
  • Where would I be, where would I be without You?
  • I close my eyes, ’cause faith is seeing for me.
  • I’m out of breath, but You are breathing for me.
  • I lift my hands, to Jesus be the glory!
  • My fight is gone, but You are fighting for me!
  • The battle won, I’m standing on Your victory!
  • I lift my hands, to Jesus be the glory!
  • To Jesus be the glory!
  • Write me with your glory, Jesus,
  • every line Your story, Jesus,
  • Author of my faith.
  • Write me with your glory, Jesus,
  • every line Your story, Jesus,
  • Author of my faith.
  • Write me with your glory, Jesus,
  • every line Your story, Jesus,
  • Author of my faith!
  • Write me with your glory, Jesus,
  • every line Your story, Jesus,
  • Author of my faith.
  • I close my eyes, ’cause faith is seeing for me.
  • I’m out of breath, but You are breathing for me.
  • I lift my hands, to Jesus be the glory!
  • My fight is gone, but You are fighting for me!
  • The battle won, I’m standing on Your victory!
  • I lift my hands, to Jesus be the glory!
  • Write me with your glory, Jesus,
  • every line Your story, Jesus,
  • Author of my faith!
  • Write me with your glory, Jesus,
  • every line Your story, Jesus,
  • Author of my faith!
  • I close my eyes, ’cause faith is seeing for me.
  • I’m out of breath, but You are breathing for me.
  • I lift my hands, to Jesus be the glory.
  • To Jesus be the glory.

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